Month: October 2019

Music Monday | Another Story – The Head and the Heart

/ Tash / Leave a comment

I have been looking for this song for days.

Last week, I accidentally hit something on Spotify that took me into a section I’d never been and brought up a “radio” playlist that wasn’t mine. This song was part of that playlist. But once I’d gotten out of it, I couldn’t find it again, and all I could remember was that it was called “Another……something”. I googled to no avail.

So today I sat down with my phone and Spotify and tried to find what I’d been listening to. After about 10 minutes, I found it again. Here it is for you.

I’ll tell you one thing
We ain’t gonna change much
The sun still rises
Even with the pain

I’ll tell you one thing
We ain’t gonna change love
The sun still rises
Even through the rain

Songwriters: Charity Rose Thielen, Christopher Shane Zasche, Jonathan Eric Russell, Josiah David Johnson, Kenneth Joseph Jr. Hensley, Robert Tyler Williams
© Warner Chappell Music, Inc.

 

Nostalgia

/ Tash / 2 Comments

And in the distance
As barren hills are touched by black-tipped fingers
The fading light reminisces about the days it lingered
Over pots of tea with toast
Whispering sweet nothings to its only ghost.
Then the moon rolls across the inky sky
With a gut full of ache and his upside down smile
And he stops to rest in the furthest corner
Heaves in gasps as the solitary mourner
Closes his eyes just for a minute and
Imagines the days when he was thinner.

January 2013

Music Monday | Ultralife – Oh Wonder

/ Tash
Before I found you
Days passed slowly, lost and low
You gave me hope and now there’s only
Blood running in my veins
I’ve never been here before
And I got love falling like the rain
I never could’ve asked for more
I got so much soul inside my bones
Take a look at me now
I’m young, forever in the sun
Ever since you came, I’m living ultralife
I’m living ultralife

149.5

/ Tash / Leave a comment

…Is how many hours I’ve worked in the last two weeks.

Yesterday, one of the maintenance guys asked me how G was, if he was grumpy that I was never home.

But I don’t know. I haven’t actually seen him. I’m not even sure if he still lives with me.

The project is supposed to end today. Like it was supposed to end yesterday, or the three days before that. I am missing out on things I’ve committed to; a literary festival, coffee dates, massages, writing, mentoring, volunteering opportunities, music monday, my side hustle – life outside of work.

What I do isn’t always predictable and almost never runs to the schedule. But I wouldn’t trade it. As frustrating as it is, and as much as I miss G and my friends who I’ve not seen for six weeks, it is my job and I love it.

Not many people get to say that.

The Last Exhale

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You breathed out slowly
longer
softer
than a sigh.

And as you did you wondered why
I don’t know why you like me, you said
But it wasn’t a question.
Instead
it was a statement. (A feeling of regret?
Did you think you were breaking my heart? You weren’t. I’d need to have one for that.)

Would you rather I didn’t? I replied, thinking you wanted to end that non-thing we had.
No. (You stop. Whisper, softer, again.)
I just know it will evaporate one day and I need to not rely on it.

You’ve said more since about friends and other lovers (not that I count myself as such)
who were there, then weren’t, or weren’t enough or, probably, just couldn’t be bothered
and left.

But it was all too late
I’d breathed you in
and haven’t breathed out since.

So now I pretend that we’re just friends
with nothing to convince
me otherwise
as we scramble round the edges of half-made thoughts and silent glances.

You’re complicated. You’ve said. I know. It doesn’t scare me.
But love does. Love hurts. (Apparently.) And you’re the first I’ve found who might, maybe be able to break me.

So I’ll hold this breath for as long as I can and you’ll have to leave me, not the other way around (but you’ll like that too, I know full well.)
I’m not going anywhere, no matter how hard you make it, too bad, so sad. (Ssshhhh. Don’t make a sound.)

And in the end when I finally breathe you out (turns out I do have a heart)
that last exhale
will be
my
last.

2 December 2011